Pushing Through Fibromyalgia Pain

I’m exhausted. Literally. Just because I did a little bit of house cleaning. My grandson turned three years old today, and my daughter is having a birthday party for him at my house in two days. Why my house? Because hers is too small to host very many people. I don’t mind letting my kids use my house to host parties, as long as they take care of the food, guests, and any other party-related things.

I have a fairly big house with a swimming pool, which makes for fun times. I want to make sure it’s nice and clean for people to see, especially people that have never been to my house before. The problem is that I have fibromyalgia, and I run out of gas pretty fast. I have to do a little at a time, because my body can’t handle when I do too much. I don’t even know what “too much” is, because no matter what I do, I end up tired with body aches.

Today, all I did was clean the refrigerator on the patio – inside and out, and wash a few loads of laundry. I am so achy that I had to push through a shower. Hey, showers are a lot of work when you have fibromyalgia! And, since I’ve had surgeries on my lower spine, I can’t bend very far, so drying off is a chore in itself! Right now, I’m relaxing in my recliner, aching all over. My feet are throbbing and I don’t want to move.

Fortunately, my younger brother (who lives with me and my husband), helped me out by mopping the tile floors and cleaning two of the bathrooms today. He’s going to mop the wood floors tomorrow. I don’t know what I would do without him, because I just can’t do it all by myself anymore. I still have a lot to do tomorrow.

The funny thing about it, is that my house always LOOKS clean, and I’m sure I could get away without doing much at all. I have OCD and have to have everything in its place. I am very organized. My house just isn’t always DEEP CLEANED, because it’s hard for me to keep up on it. Before I had fibromyalgia and chronic pain, that was a different story. My house was always clean. It’s just very hard on my body to do a lot of deep cleaning, so I only do it once in a while, usually when guests are coming over and I’m forced to.

My brother asked me why I am doing all of this to impress people I don’t know. Why do we worry about what other people think? I just do, enough so that I kill myself doing it. I will physically pay for it over the next few days, but it really bothers me for anyone to have a negative impression of me. It’s a battle I have inside myself. It’s not easy living with fibromyalgia and OCD.

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